I know that most people will disagree with this post. I post it not to agree with their statements but to stress how flawed the system is.
Think about this:
The reason there’s no child support reform is because a fair system would ultimately give them less opportunity to skim money off of the top. Furthermore, over 80% of custody cases end up with the Mother receiving sole physical custody. Why do you suppose that is? Are 80% of the Fathers in this world incapable of loving and nurturing their own children? Or are the courts just banking on Father having more earning power than the Mother? Simply put, it has nothing to do with Mothers being automatically considered the ‘better parent.’ The courts are awarding women the children because they are hoping that a Father can earn a bigger paycheck…..which means a bigger cut for them.
And this (remember this post is written by a female:
The system right now is failing children on some many levels it’s hard to determine who is to blame. On one hand, I’d like to blame the Fathers. If this were happening to women, they’d be writing letters, organizing marches, and voting new people into office. Say what you will about women, but bitches can organize. Fathers seem to be rolling over and dying, but then again, can you blame them? Turning your life into a war zone for a child you’ve barely gotten time to bond with who may just end up hating you anyway seems like a foolish and daunting task.
Interesting read if nothing else. I recommend the article if for enjoyment purposes only. Oh boy, here come the letters…
Technorati Tags: child support, deadbeat dads, system, flawed, custody, children, parents
11 responses so far ↓
Eddie // December 6, 2006 at 3:39 pm
I agree wholeheartedly with your post. Abolishing Family Court would be a great first step to fixing this system.
ladyblogger // December 6, 2006 at 7:24 pm
This is just stupid on soooo many levels; I don’t even know where to begin…
For starters, Father’s Day ALWAYS falls on a Sunday, so your little tale is bogus.
On to the next thing: What’s the ex supposed to do? Keep herself down at the ex-hubby’s financial level so he won’t feel bad??
YES, children need a paycheck. They need a roof over their heads, shoes on their feet, braces when the orthodontist says it’s really necessary, insurance for when they get sick or break appendages. Kids cost a LOT of money. If you thought you were going to get away with paying less when you got divorced, then you were huffing glue, or something.
Your ex’s new husband isn’t obligated to take care of YOUR children. If he does so, it’s because he’s a nice guy…probably nicer than you. No kid EVER wants to call the new guy “Dad,” and it’s bullshit to perpetuate such a myth.
In the state in which I live, family court judges advise BOTH parents to encourage and foster separate relationships with the child(ren), to not talk badly about each other and to make sure that the child(ren) have photos of the other parent in their bedrooms.
Lastly, contrary to this ranting post, the “system” doesn’t want people to get divorced and doesn’t want to deal with the mess divorce brings to most families. But since alleged “grown-ups” can’t manage their own lives and be decent to each other and their kids, the state is forced to get involved to ensure each child’s WELFARE.
Oh, and no, there is no doubt that children need piggyback rides and other loving moments. And maybe the ex would be a lot easier to deal with if “dad” would stop being pissed off all the time, put the bullshit behind him, and be a decent guy and offer to take the kids off her hands when its not his “weekend,” say like when the kids are sick, or she’s sick or arrange to pick the kids up after school, or whatever else might be helpful and exhibit a spirit of cooperation to the kids. Isn’t that better than always carrying around anger and resentment and a whole host of conspiracies about how the system is out to get you??
gentlemanblogger // December 6, 2006 at 8:37 pm
To ladyblogger:
“For starters, Father’s Day ALWAYS falls on a Sunday, so your little tale is bogus.”
What does Father’s Day have to do with Sunday? I could swear the post was refering to the father’s weekend, and not Sunday specifically,
“What’s the ex supposed to do? Keep herself down at the ex-hubby’s financial level so he won’t feel bad??”
What is the father supposed to do? live for his ex-wifes whims and poor financial decisions?
“And maybe the ex would be a lot easier to deal with if “dad” would stop being pissed off all the time”
Dad is not the only one who is pissed-off all the time.
I agree with the spirit of the original post. It was aimed at both parents.
I’m a divorced man with three children who have a Deadbeat Mother.
Sure the children need finacial support to survive, but what they really need are a Mother and a Father who can support them emotionally.
ladyblogger // December 7, 2006 at 12:58 pm
The father’s day thing…it’s the basic premise for the story, and if the facts aren’t right it kind of ruins the story, but that’s neither here nor there…
“What is the father supposed to do? live for his ex-wifes whims and poor financial decisions?”
That’s the whole point of divorce. You are no longer responsible for her whims or poor financial decisions. And you should no longer concern yourself with such.
“Dad is not the only one who is pissed-off all the time.”
Of course not, Mom can be too. More importantly, the kids quite often are most pissed off of all, but the parents are usually too wrapped up in their own battle to notice.
“I’m a divorced man with three children who have a Deadbeat Mother.”
Understand that if she owes you child support, you will eventually get it. Pick your battles. Is it worth fighting with her now, letting the kids be exposed? (And even if you don’t let them see/hear the two of you fight, they pick up on all the negative energy.) Child support obligations can’t ever be dismissed; you’ll eventually get the money owed to you.
“Sure the children need finacial support to survive, but what they really need are a Mother and a Father who can support them emotionally.”
Not true. A child needs loving, supportive PEOPLE around him. It matters not if it’s a blood parent. That statement can’t possibly be legitimate when you consider adopted children, children who had one parent die or who were raised by aunts, uncles, grandparents, older siblings, etc., etc., who turn out just fine. In the latter half of the 20th century, lots of words and energy were expended bemoaning the loss of the extended family in favor of the nuclear family. Family is what you make of it, plan and simple.
verin // December 7, 2006 at 2:24 pm
“For starters, Father’s Day ALWAYS falls on a Sunday, so your little tale is bogus.”
Haha, congratulations on losing all intellectual credibility by the second sentence.
ladyblogger // December 8, 2006 at 5:41 am
well, verin, it’s obvious the blogger was talking about how things are in america, and in america, father’s day ALWAYS falls on a sunday.
m // December 8, 2006 at 1:36 pm
Ok, let me spell it out for you:
Quote from original post:
“Ignoring the SUV, you ask your Ex if you can have you son on Father’s day. This year, it doesn’t fall on your WEEKEND, but you’d still really like to spend it with your son.”
Please go and re-read that sentence and _then_ comment on it.
Mr Milkcarton // December 13, 2006 at 1:08 pm
I just had to say something……hehehe.Childsupport is not ADULTSUPPORT!!! Abolish the whole court system,with crooked Judges,Attorneys,Lawyers.Lady Justice holding her scales has so much of my money ,her ARM broke off!!GENDER-BIAS is Sick.Id rather sit in prison, make licence plates for nickles a day,then pay another hard-earned dollar to some women who uses the money to pay for crack-rock!!The system is so useless,I have my children,I am A father,I still pay childsupport,cause some fat ass WOMEN judge refused to sign Paperwork releasing me from SLAVERY.So they continue to take child support from me.They also delayed the next hearing for 2 months!!If you know what its like to have 2/3 of your paycheck taken out,and able to live off of it then you know how difficult it is with two more mouths to feed!!!Oh,yeah the agency doesnt kow its Right hand from its Left,cause just today they sent me a failure to pay Childsupport!!!!They are going to hold my taxes back till I pay!!!Take my car away!!!Meanwhile,They are still taking out for childsupport automaticly from my check!!Holding it(In an Account,making money off the intrest) till the FAT Lady sings!!My advice to poor idiots like me is ,Its cheeper to keep her!!!………….Thanks Jon for letting me vent!!
Moo // January 19, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Well m, it appears after your display of correct logic, ladyblogger has nothing more to say. If only more people had appropriate reading comprehension.
Courtney // May 22, 2008 at 3:28 am
I think the entire legality of child support is bullshit for many reasons.
1. As it has already been pointed out, most of the time, the mother is awarded full custody, meaning she makes all the decisions, and the father has no legal say or input in that child’s life. But he is expected to pay child support, or else he is labeled a “dead beat dad”.
2. Most women I know who receive child support never put this money toward their child’s needs. Mom always has name brand clothing, drives a $40,000.00 gas guzzling SUV, and parties every weekend while the children are in the care of a babysitter. The children, on the other had, are always filthy, the clothes are always stained and torn because Mom buys their clothing at yard sales and consignment shops, but you never see her buy her clothing from a yard sale. When these kids want to participate it sports, dance, and other activities, Mom can never afford it because as they always say, “Dad isn’t sending enough money.” And groceries, let’s talk about groceries. I’m always amazed at the durability of the human body, because these children some how grow and survive on Lay’s potato chips and Little Debbies. That is 95 % of the food child support provides. The child’s needs are never met when you give a selfish woman a check. Mom’s wants and needs are the only things furnished by child support.
3. The father can be the best father anybody could ask for and could never miss a child support payment, and the mother is still going to be a bitch and give him hell when it is time for his visitation. Most of the time, the mother never wants the father to spend time with his children, simply because of her childish, vindictive, attitude. But my god, the father better not be one day late on that child support, or she will call her attorney and they’ll be back in court next week.
4. Lastly, if the father actually is a dead beat dad, since when was there ever any type of law that pertained to these men not being able to father children? Unfortunately, never. But if women don’t want to bear the financial burden of being a single parent, don’t make babies with losers. Plain and simple. Do not abuse and waste the time of the legal system because you fucked up.
Now after all that, I’m I saying I’m against child support? No. A man should be responsible for his children and if a man is a good father, he will support his children, even knowing the mother is using the money for her own personal gain, because at least this way, he has a clean conscious and can say he did his part, regardless of what the mother does.
I am against the entire legality of child support. If a man does not pay child support, he can have a warrant issued for his arrest and can have his driver’s license suspended. That is ridiculous. What about the mothers being responsible and using their brains? If a man is a dead beat, don’t procreate with him! How hard is that? Apparently for some women, it isn’t that easy, for what ever reason. And don’t use the excuse, “it was an accident.” You know how you get pregnant, I know how you get pregnant, now days, FIVE YEAR OLDS know how you get pregnant. So don’t use the old “accident” excuse. Responsible behavior is not confined to just one gender, ladies.
And for those of you who’s children do not have dead beat dads, be grateful and use that money for your children. And most of all, don’t be a bitch. Don’t keep your children from having a good father in their life because of hangups you cannot get over in your failed marriage. That’s your problem. Not your children’s problem, and they deserve a good dad.
bobbyo // June 12, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Plain and simple, GET A FUCKING JOB! The real world awaits! I do not know every situation but as I have heard so far…its BS. Our son is with me 20 to 25 overnights per month (a blessing as she is unstable) and I still pay support as she evades a court ordered evaluation! I paid the $2500.00 + her half as she evaded to have it done and results are as expected….she needs counseling. Get a job if u r able and lay off the Bon-Bons….tired of the b.s. from the prejudice’d court system.
Leave a Comment